Home for The Holidays

Thanksgiving weekend is a time when many college students are able to return home and see their families for the first time since those August and September move-in days. When college is within driving distance from home, making the return trip by car for the Thanksgiving holiday feels like any other time when you come home for the weekend, give or take the turkey, pumpkin pie, and other festive foods that await you this time around. But for students who attend college 3,000 miles from home, the annual Thanksgiving trek, and home excursions in general, take on a different meaning, one of self-reflection and an opportunity to reconnect with family members and friends. So, in the spirit of the holidays, where family gatherings and yummy food, await bleary-eyed, jet-lagged college students, I will be interviewing my sister, Sarah, a senior at Columbia College, in NYC, who will share some of her thoughts on what it means to come home for the holidays.

Jacob: What was it like coming home from Columbia for Thanksgiving during your first year of school?

Sarah: When you go away to school, the first thing that pops into your mind isn’t

“what I am I going to do when I get back?” Instead, you’re really focused on:

“what’s college going to be like?”

“are you going to be able to make friends?”

“where’s the grocery store?” etc.

It’s hard when you come back because you have to package your experience. So many people will ask you, what’s college like, how are your classes, or if you miss your home state. Your family members who were formally involved in your high school career aren’t there this time around. So, its hard because you have to translate this huge process of what its like to move in, fall in and out friendships, into this packaged answer, and often you can’t do it properly, as there are missing details. To boil it down, there is this great sense of inconsistency between what you are experiencing and what you are relaying to your family members.

J: What are some of the biggest concerns about coming home for the holidays?

S: When talking to first year college students, many of them share this feeling of, “Have I changed?” and “Will my parents recognize me?” “Have I become someone knew who I like or will my parents like? On another level they wonder about what they have missed experiencing with their families while away at school and how to go about making up for lost time.

J: What have you found that has helped make the annual pilgrimage easier?

S: Its not what helps when you get there, but what you can do to prepare for it beforehand. Definitely staying in touch. Then when someone pops the question, “how is college?” not such a surprise when you respond, “oh its hard / easy / a surreal experience” because they are in tune with what’s going on in your world.. Just remember that your family and home (whatever you might define home to be), as corny as this sounds, your family loves you for who you are, the changes that you go through in college are things that your family goes through together with you. Remembering that you go away to college and that people still love you certainly helps and that the reasons you are loved and cherished by your family have not changed either.

J: What advice can you share with current high school students, who are looking at schools away from home, to help them navigate the idea of transitioning to home life when returning for the holidays?

S: Mentally preparing yourself for your arrival is important, in addition to being vocal about what you need when you come home. As its my senior year at Columbia, with 20 units, I have a ton of work as it is, and this year I had three papers to turn in today (author’s note, Sarah was able to accomplish this prior to the interview…woo-hoo!!!). That way, my family understood that I couldn’t be with them 24/7, but that I did not want to become a hermit for the ninety-six hours that I was home. This made the transition to home life a lot easier. Also, being honest about expectations helps too. Its all about managing expectations. Maybe you have changed since you left home. It’s important to give yourself time to settle in once you have returned home.

J: Coming home is never easy, especially when it happens three to four times out of the year. And maybe this is something you are looking forward to. Or perhaps attending a school thirty miles from home, where you are far away enough to have your own life, but close enough to be home in a minute’s notice is more appealing. Either way, coming home for the holidays will always be a learning experience. As always, feel free to share some your holiday homecoming lessons below!