Dear 17-year-old smart-ass,

I have been star­ing at this com­puter screen for days try­ing to fig­ure out why it is so dif­fi­cult to write to you, and I just real­ized some­thing. I know you. I know you, and I know what you’re think­ing right now, and you’re already rolling your eyes at this let­ter because you don’t need advice from any­one. So lis­ten, I am going to ask you to do some­thing for me. Trust me. I know it is com­pletely against your instincts right now to believe any­thing I have to say, but I promise you if you can just trust me with this, you’ll be hap­pier with your­self a lot sooner.

First of all, I have some bad news. Mom is right about every­thing. I am seri­ous, every­thing you are so absolutely sure she is wrong about, she isn’t. So do your­self a favor and stop try­ing to prove that you know more than her. You’ll end up being best friends with her, so why don’t you just expe­dite that process by shut­ting up and lis­ten­ing to her a lit­tle. She loves you and she is try­ing to keep you from mak­ing a lot of mis­takes in the future.

Oh yeah, you end up mak­ing those mis­takes any­ways. Don’t look at me; you’re the stub­born one that has to be right all the time. The good news is these mis­takes take you in a new direc­tion that you end up fit­ting into perfectly.

Now, I know you hate know­ing the future and feel­ing like your life is com­pletely planned out for you, which is prob­a­bly why you are so afraid of psy­chics, so I won’t tell you what hap­pens. I will tell you, though, that you’re very happy with the way things are turn­ing out, and every­thing is okay.

Here is some advice I can give you.

Col­lege isn’t scary, STOP WORRYING.

You are a smart girl, and the deci­sions you are mak­ing this year ARE impor­tant, but they are not per­ma­nent. Stop stress­ing out about choos­ing the right one because you are allowed to change your mind. And you will, many times. Some peo­ple might frame this con­stant change as inde­ci­sion, but I need you to know that it isn’t. You have always believed in chang­ing the things that make you unhappy. Just because oth­ers don’t nor­mally react with that same mind­set doesn’t mean that your way of han­dling things is wrong OR neg­a­tive, and nei­ther is theirs. Learn this now.

Trust your­self. You’ve always loved writ­ing, vol­un­teer­ing and help­ing peo­ple. Keep that in mind when you are choos­ing a major. I will give you a hint: Choose the career that you want to have instead of that other one you think you are sup­posed to have. This applies to every­thing else in your life too.

Don’t treat friend­ships like they’re tem­po­rary. Many of the friends you have right now are still your friends six years later. I know you think they’ll end when high school does, but the good ones last. Friends are also more impor­tant than your job. Please real­ize this as soon as pos­si­ble because it isn’t worth los­ing any­one amaz­ing over.

The last thing I have to say is impor­tant, extremely impor­tant. I know you’re hav­ing a rough year with your dad. This is prob­a­bly the scari­est thing you have ever expe­ri­enced. I under­stand, trust me, I under­stand. You can’t keep this a secret. Keep­ing his ill­ness a secret for awhile will cause you to resent all of your friends for not mak­ing it bet­ter. How are they sup­posed to sup­port you if you don’t tell them what is going on? It isn’t fair to them or you, so just don’t do it. I made this mis­take, but you have a chance to change it.

You can’t pre­pare your­self for his death. I under­stand why you so strongly feel the need to pre­pare your­self for los­ing him, but this isn’t some­thing you can ever pre­pare your­self for. I won’t tell you what the future holds but don’t let what you think the future holds dic­tate how you treat him now. He is one of your best friends. Don’t resent him for chang­ing. Don’t resent oth­ers for not car­ing about him, you, or your fam­ily. Don’t try to love him less.

Let your rela­tion­ship with him change with­out think­ing it is a neg­a­tive thing. Be more under­stand­ing of the pain he is in, the treat­ment he is going through, and the med­ica­tion in his sys­tem. Talk to him more. Call him more. Take more pic­tures with him. Dance with him. Joke with him. Con­tinue doing all the things you used to do together. This is the kind of rela­tion­ship you always loved hav­ing with him and this is the kind of rela­tion­ship you should keep with him. If you don’t, you will absolutely regret it, and you have a long life ahead of you. He is an amaz­ing father, so con­tinue to treat him like one.

That’s all the seri­ous stuff I got for you, kid. You still read­ing? I hope so.

Keep going to Good Char­lotte con­certs, wear lots of sun block, and don’t worry about the SATs. Study a lit­tle harder for the AP Latin IV exam, and date a few more guys. I know you think they are all bad, but a few of them come back around and end up being great.

Love your fam­ily, love your friends and stop stress­ing about how every­thing is going to turn out. You’re life is pretty golden where I am standing.

You have noth­ing to worry about.

Your 22-year-old self,

Annie

Name: Annie Ler­oux
High School: Notre Dame High School (Sher­man Oaks, CA)
Col­lege: Cal State Long Beach (Long Beach, CA)
Now: Stu­dent and dig­i­tal con­tent producer

This let­ter was writ­ten as part of the Bet­ter­Grads spe­cial series: "Write a Let­ter to Your High School Self." Con­trib­u­tors are asked to answer ques­tions or con­cerns they may have had in high school, such as "What's the pur­pose of col­lege?" and "Is it worth it?" If you'd like to sub­mit a let­ter for pub­li­ca­tion, please read our edi­to­r­ial guide­lines and let us know here.