Monday, April 19th, 2010...8:54 am

Why College? Part 6 — Rejecting College Rejections

by Kevin Adler

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Behind each accep­tance is rejec­tion; beyond each rejec­tion is accep­tance. What do you choose to define who you are – the accep­tances or the rejec­tions? This was the ques­tion I learned to ask and answer in col­lege. This is a short story of my suc­cesses and my rejec­tions and just me.

  • I grad­u­ated magna cum laude with a 3.85 GPA.
    I grad­u­ated .05 points short of summa cum laude.
  • I attended the Uni­ver­sity of Cam­bridge for grad school.
    I attended Uni­ver­sity Col­lege Lon­don for study abroad, because I was not selected for the Cam­bridge study abroad pro­gram by the Inter­na­tional Pro­grams Office at Occi­den­tal Col­lege.
  • I was awarded the Rotary Ambas­sado­r­ial Schol­ar­ship and the Coro.
    I applied for but was not awarded the Tru­man Schol­ar­ship, Gates Schol­ar­ship, Mar­shall Schol­ar­ship, Edu­ca­tion Pio­neers, USA Today, and many oth­ers that I have for­got­ten.
  • I was the cap­tain of the league-winning St. Catharine’s Col­lege Men’s Bas­ket­ball Team in the B League at Cam­bridge. Go Wheels!
    I did not make var­sity as a junior at Liv­er­more High. Go Cow­boys?
  • I have been accepted before.
    I have been rejected before.
  • And I will be again.
    And I will be again.
  • And I am still me. I am still me.

Dear high school stu­dents: unless you do not sub­mit enough col­lege appli­ca­tions or you hap­pen to be incred­i­bly lucky, you will be rejected by at least one of your col­lege choices.

In the spirit of tem­pered future reac­tions, con­sider this arti­cle a pre­lim­i­nary guar­an­tee of that clas­sic thin enve­lope arriv­ing in the mail some­time next March, perhaps.

Actu­ally, it just arrived.

Dear Kid,

You did not get into BLNT Col­lege. Bet­ter luck next time.

Signed,

The Admis­sions Office

This is an exam­ple of a rejec­tion. Seems minor, doesn’t it? It is. But what does it mean!?!?!! You may ask. It means you are prob­a­bly not going to join the BLNT Class of 2010. Don’t worry, though: you can still be the geo­physi­cist or writer or what­ever of your dreams. Why is that?

Because you are still you, and that is pretty great.

In my time as the Exec­u­tive Direc­tor of Bet­ter­Grads, I have heard the same nasty phrase from more than a few stu­dents: I am not the col­lege type.

Bull­shit.

You are not the col­lege type only because you say you are not the col­lege type. Stop say­ing that. I ask you: at what age did you stop believ­ing in yourself?

When you tried out for the lit­tle league team, and made it? When you entered the sci­ence fair, and came in fourth place? When you told your mom and dad all about what you learned in class today, because you were so proud and excited for tomorrow?

When did you stop see­ing a great face full of promise when you looked in the mir­ror? This is not mere seman­tics, but vitally impor­tant to ask because, in life, you will only be judged by how you per­ceive and judge your own reflec­tion – that is, unless you cede that power to others.

My advice to you? Don’t.

Don’t lose your faith. Don’t stop believ­ing in your­self. Or if you don’t believe in your­self now, it’s never too late to start. Don’t take no for an answer. You are the col­lege type. If you don’t truly believe that, who else always will?

Colum­bia Uni­ver­sity Pres­i­dent Lee Bollinger was rejected as a teenager when he applied to Har­vard. His advice, as reported in a won­der­ful Wall Street Jour­nal arti­cle on famous indi­vid­u­als who were rejected by their dream col­leges as erst­while high school stu­dents:

Don't let rejec­tions con­trol your life. To "allow other people's assess­ment of you to deter­mine your own self-assessment is a very big mis­take. The ques­tion really is, who at the end of the day is going to make the deter­mi­na­tion about what your tal­ents are, and what your inter­ests are? That has to be you."

Pres­i­dent Bollinger is right. That’s what I learned in col­lege. In fact, that’s what a lot of peo­ple learn in col­lege – to reject rejec­tion and suc­ceed suc­cess – to fol­low your aspi­ra­tions beyond indi­vid­ual set­backs and to go beyond tro­phies and awards to see what really mat­ters: you and the peo­ple you love and the peo­ple that love you. It is that con­fi­dence that can drive you for­ward to achieve your dreams and live a suc­cess­ful life, rejec­tions and all.

So go forth, apply, be rejected, apply again, be accepted, and all the while, always remem­ber, that it is still you.

And that is what mat­ters, kiddo.

"Why Col­lege?" is a series of op-ed arti­cles writ­ten by Bet­ter­Grads staff and guest con­trib­u­tors about why we chose to con­tinue edu­ca­tion after high school, how we got there, and glimpses into what we learned. To begin at Part 1 in the series, click here.

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  • sallymorgan
    So why College? I could easily get a job, make money, and get a head start in life? I hate school, it's not for me. School is boring, and a waist of time. Those are all common responses for people when they finish high school, and suddenly have the option of continuing their education. Those very responses tend to be valid reasons for certain individuals, as they were once valid for me when I was in high school. However one day, I miraculously got a wake up call. Hopefully my story can be yours.

    My parents came to the United States from Egypt 30 years ago. Till today, they can barley speak Basic English, and aren’t educated beyond high school. My parents, my 3 older brothers and I live in a 2 bedroom apartment which forces me to share a room with my parents. My household consisted of constant yelling, fighting, putting others down, and negative forces. I was never able to go to parties, or even go out with my friends outside of school hours until I turned 16 which is when I decided I would no longer take “No” for an answer. Thus, my mom experienced an extreme stage of culture shock which led to fights on a daily basis. Slowly as it became a habit, I started to care less about my school work and failed my classes. I went to bed every night crying, bottled up my problems, and hated the place I called “home” with all my heart and soul, therefore undergoing a major state of depression.

    My only alternative was to spend time at my aunt’s house. She and her husband are both college educated, live comfortably in a big house, and have 2 daughters close to my age. So everyday after school, I would walk to my aunt’s house, and make excuses to stay as long as I possibly could. Because I spent so much time at my aunt’s house, I made an observation. Those who were educated, my aunt and uncle, lived happily and comfortably in comparison to those who weren’t educated, my parents, who lived a life of hard physical labor, and financial troubles. It then came down to one simple question, what kind of lifestyle do I want to live? Most people say, of course you would choose the happier lifestyle because no one wants to live a lifestyle otherwise. But the reality is most people choose the lifestyle they live, and undermine the power they have to change it.

    As the month of May during my senior year approached, I started to get my letters from the Cal States determining whether or not I was accepted. It wasn’t until the middle of May when I opened my last letter from Cal State Fullerton. It was official; I had been rejected from every Cal State I applied to. While I stood there staring at the letter, my mother said, "You didn’t get in, didn’t you? I knew it; you fooled around too much in high school!" How was I supposed to tell her the main reason I didn’t do well was because she led me to depression?

    I then had to make a choice. I could follow in my brothers’ footsteps and work instead of going to college making minimum wage, or I could prove my mother wrong by going to college and start building the lifestyle I wanted in the future. So College it was! Conversely, I was forced to go to Glendale Community College instead of Pasadena because it was closer to my house. After the first semester, I got lazy and decided to just stay at Glendale. For the first year I went from class to home, and from home to class not involving myself in anything.

    I met one person during my 2nd year. This lady opened the doors to many opportunities, introduced me to many important people, and even got me a job. As a result, this past year, I have been involved in STAR (Students Talk About Race), SHS (Students Help Students), Shadow Day, AGS (Alpha Gamma Sigma), ASGCC (Student Government), a psychology internship, and am currently the President of the Speech & Debate Team. Astoundingly, I qualified to go to the most prestigious National Competition for Speech which is something I never expected. The people I have met through all of these activities changed my life in one way or another, and some of them will now be life long friends. At the end of the day, I never thought I would be where I am today, or be doing the things I do, but it’s those very things that put a smile on my face all day everyday.

    I can’t explain in words exactly how I feel inside because I don’t think words can describe the level of happiness I feel. I wasn’t trying to make my story fancy when I used the word “Miraculous” in the beginning. I used it because I truly experienced a miracle. I have completely changed as a person, daughter, friend, leader, employee, and most importantly as a student since I went to Glendale Community College. I am graduating in a few weeks, and let me say it won’t be easy because I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE.

    Guys & Gals: If you could take one thing away from this entire post, take this: YOU HAVE THE POWER to change YOUR lifestyle to whichever way you want. Granted, you may need help doing that, but there are plenty of resources and people out there who are willing to help you get to where you want to be. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS ASK FOR HELP! Stay strong in the beginning as it may be a little hard, but I promise if you put in your efforts, and ask for help, your life in the future will be much easier and greatly rewarded.

    P.S. My job requires me to go to high schools and talk to students about going to college, and help ease their transition from high school to college. What a coincidence huh?! If you have any questions about anything please feel free to respond to this post. I would be more than happy to help anyone, or simply answer questions. After all, I wrote this post for a reason.
  • Elizabeth
    What a wonderfully thoughtful article, Kevin. I wish I'd seen this back in the fall of 2004 when I was devastated over getting rejected early decision at Vassar! I thought it was the end of the world (for about a week) and it was really hard to gain perspective. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
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